Running, Running, Running

 

Picture: Pintrest



August, September and October were pretty miserable months. I was moping a lot and having a bit of a woe is me time. I wasn’t making an effort for friends unless they were contacting me first. I was finishing work and heading straight home and eating crap and watching TV until I went to bed.

Enough was enough though and I knew I had to snap out of it. One of things I felt like I was missing was exercise. I missed the ache in my muscles and that drained but exhilarating feeling you get post work-out from the release of endorphins.

I decided to re-join the gym. I was a pretty fair-weather gym bunny. I always managed to find excuses not to go and earlier this year cancelled my membership as it £60 that I could really do with in my pocket, especially as I was only going once a week, if that. Plus it was summer and I thought I’d run outside more!! Yeah, good one.

To give me that extra boost to go more often, I let my best friend talk me into signing up for a half marathon….. in March!! She had put herself into her work ballot for a place in the London Marathon but was unsuccessful. The charity she was she going to run for, Myeloma UK, offered places in some other races through the year, one of which was the Adidas Silverstone Half Marathon. I think I might have been drunk (or at least hungover) and I said “Yeah I’ll join you!”

At first, I thought I’ll never be able to run 21km (13.1 miles). I usually run about 5km and it leaves me feeling like I might collapse and/or throw up at the end. However, I’ve been pushing myself through and slowly building up my distance and stamina. I find the first few kilometres the hardest. I just want it to be over with as quickly as possible. Then at about 5km, it’s as though my body has resigned itself to the fact that it’s been pushed and I can manage to get to the target distance I’ve set myself. Last night I aimed for 9km and managed it in 58mins. That’s roughly an average speed of 6mins 26 seconds per km. If I can manage that pace the whole way through, I’d finish at 2hrs 15mins and 15 seconds. We’re in the starting wave of 2hrs and 15mins so I definitely would like to achieve a time that is sub that!

I’m aware though that those are treadmill times and running outside greatly differs. I need to fit a lot more running outside into the training to get used to the climate, atmosphere and dips and hills. Pretty much giving up drinking after Christmas will also be something I'll be having to get used too.

WISH ME LUCK, I definitely need it.

25-30

When you turn 30, you start to think about how you've changed, not only personally, but in your looks and style too.
I recently went back through the archives of Facebook and found some pictures of either my birthday night out since my 25th birthday or a time pretty close to it.

25
Oh dear! I was trying to grow out a bowl cut and look like I've got a bit of a mushroom head!
I loved this dress at the time I bought it. I used to want my outfits to get me noticed in either a bad or a good way. I favoured body con dresses that showed off every curve. The 30 year old me would definitely feel way too self conscious to wear something like this now.

26
This leather dress has been dubbed my porn star dress but again at the time I loved it. I wanted to be noticed. I'd just come back from a weeks holiday in Ibiza so had a bit of tan. Again, this dress is something I'd feel way to self conscious to wear now but I felt great in it at the time. It's one of those dresses that I couldn't throw away because of the memories. It was probably not the best idea to wear a pleather dress to London's sweatiest club though in hindsight.

27
This was taken at V Festival so I guess it's OK to go a little flamboyant at a festival. I think this is when Jessie J was my style inspiration. Everything had to be a garishly printed along with those big tacky earrings! I also had a full fringe which isn't in view, pinned back due to greasy festival hair (EWWWW).

28
I'd calmed down with the way I dressed here. My hair was longer, I was growing out the fringe. I didn't want to be as try-hard anymore. I think in the previous years, I was dressing to try to be someone I wasn't, trying to exude an outer confidence that I didn't always feel inside. I'd also had a really crappy year at a job I no longer enjoyed and my weight dropped. Probably the slimmest I've been in my adult life.

29
Although I don't wear them as often, I still can't resist a colourful print and where better to indulge than on holiday. This was taken on our last night in Lisbon last year to go out for dinner. I love jumpsuits. They're perfect for when you want to dress up but don't want to bare all. It's coming with me on holiday again this weekend.

30
My 30th birthday night out outfit. It's not the most original of outfits, but it suits me and I felt confident and comfortable. I wasn't trying to pull it over my stomach or checking that my bum was hanging out. I'm a lot more sure of my style and what looks good on me. I don't try and dress to get the attention of others. I don't need to have all my flesh on show. My hair might be a little bit boring but at least I don't have a mushroom head anymore!!!

Roll on the next five years.

Morning Thoughts

Alarm goes off at 06:50. I inwardly groan. Two thoughts are buzzing round my head - “How it can be morning already, I feel like I only slept for 20 minutes.” And “how much longer can I stay in bed before I REALLY have to get up?” Snooze pressed for twenty more minutes. I don’t know why I’m trying to delay the inevitable.

I drag my arse out of bed and into the cold bathroom. Can I get away without washing my hair? I’ll wear trousers today. Can’t even think about attempting to shave my legs. Ah least it’ll be tights season again soon. Ahhhhhh this shower is so nice and warm and friendly. I don’t want to get out. I might sit down and let it just wash over me. I don’t though – that kind of comforting shower hug is reserved only for the severest of hangovers. Right, time to get out. Shit, there’s water everywhere. Splash Bandicoot strikes again. The world is just so against me. Ah but fluffy dressing gown, can I stay in this forever?

TV on – GMTV, Daybreak, Good Morning Britain – what’s it even called these days? Why is Kate Garraway so cheery in morning? Laura, please give me some good news about the weather. Raining again. Shit. Never mind, only 18 days until I’m on holiday again. Today is definitely a glasses day. I don’t think I can focus on putting my contact lenses in the right eyes this morning. What’s the minimum amount of make-up I can put on without people asking me if I’m feeling ill? How is it 07:41 already? I best dry my hair….. not enough time… up in a messy bun it goes, complete with baby fringe sticking up making me look cray-cray. Better hairspray that down.

Time to get dressed, no time to let the deodorant dry under my pits so I end up with stains all down my dark jumper. No time to change, I’ll just have to ride with it. Shoes on, jacket on. Phone – check, keys – check, oyster card – check, purse –check, lunch box – check. Still bet I’ve left something behind.

Mad dash to the bus stop. Oh great, two buses arriving at once of which I manage to miss both. Oh great, the next one is in seven minutes. I’ll be late for work. No time to get breakfast. I’m sure there’s a mouldy banana at the bottom of my bag. Start walking to the station or sit and wait? I compromise and walk to the next bus stop along. I manage to squeeze myself on and arrive at the station and jump onto the northern line straight away. Ah…. And relax. Well, as much as is physically possible when you’re jammed into someone’s armpit.

Wait, why is every other female in this carriage looking at lot more polished than me? Right, that’s it. Tomorrow is a new me. I’m definitely going to wake up earlier and do my hair and make-up properly. I’ll plan my outfit tonight and make sure everything matches and doesn’t have tooth paste and/or deodorant on it. I’ll be a polished city worker rather than a scruff ball who looks like they’re on the way home from a mad all-nighter. I CAN DO IT.

Oh, fuck it. Who am I kidding? I’m just not a morning person. If you need me, I’ll be pressing snooze continuously.

A-Z of Happiness

Yesterday I read Jill Mansell’s A-Z Of Happiness as a quick lunch time read and it’s inspired me to put together my own little A-Z of things that put a smile on my face.



A – Autumn
The back to school feeling, the rich brown colours, darker nights, good TV programmes starting, my birthday, Halloween, bonfire night……. It’s just the best season by far.

B – Books
I’m a complete and utter book worm and will always have at least one book on the go. Each year I attempt to read 52 books which is one a week. I usually manage around 50 but I am determined this year and my current count stands at 34. My favourite types of book are crime and psychological thrillers, big fat bonkbusters/sagas à la Penny Vincenzi or books based on the underclass and working class.
Favourite all time book – Brass by Helen Walsh.

C – Colouring
Colouring is a pretty new found hobby and one that I definitely recommend to everyone! It’s so relaxing and definitely de-stresses me. With many things being so digitally focused these days, it’s so nice to get away from the various screens and zone out. Despite the de-stress element, I do get a little bit antsy if I’ve picked colours out that don’t quite go together or go out the lines a little bit.

D - Dreams
I have quite vivid dreams and I love it. It's like watching a TV programme whilst you're asleep. I love interpreting the meanings and reading way too much into them.

E – Eating
I live to eat rather than eat to live. I love food in all shapes and forms, well mostly the stuff that's bad for me.

F – Friends
I know that everyone thinks this but I truly do have the best friends. They pick me up when I'm feeling down and have been there through break-ups and muggings and on the flipside, to celebrate the good times. I could not be without them, especially not living close to my family.

G- Germany
I’m a compete Germaophile. I studied German at university, lived in Hamburg for 06 months and now my job revolves around hotels in Germany. I love the culture. The history and politics, which is so closely linked to my own country fascinates me, especially the separation and reunification. If I had to move to another country, I would happily up sticks and move there. The only trouble would be picking one place to settle in.

H – Hotels
I love staying in hotels, especially alone. You can just truly switch off for a night. You don't have to think about anything... no laundry, washing up, cooking or any of the trivialities that you have at home. You can lose yourself in a Netflix marathon or a book. Plus, there's the buffet breakfasts... I think that just speaks for itself.

I – Internet
I loved the internet since we first had it installed and we had to wait until after 6pm so that it was cheaper and then after a few years free. Kids these days don’t know how easy they have it with unlimited data and wifi. I loved TeenOpenDiary and downloading Westlife fanfiction. My first email address was fool_again@hotmail.com after the Westlife song * insert crying laughing eyes emoji*. Oh the shame. I still love it today….. though social media, Netflix and Missguided are my internet guilty pleasures these days. And I have a more grown up email address!

J – Japan
Seven years spent working in the Japanese tourist industry and I still haven’t been to Japan. It’s the no. 1 destination on mybucket list of places to travel to.
2016 is the year I get saving and make this a possibility.

K – Kennedy’s
There’s no-one who can make my belly laugh as much as my family. It’s that stomach aching tears falling down your face, feel like you’re gonna wet yourself kind of laughing. Bring on our family holiday, our first one ever abroad, in 03 weeks.

L - Leopard Print
My love for leopard print rivals Kat Slater's..... It's that bad. I have a fur coat, shoes, scarves.. If it's leopard printed, I can't resist it.

M – The Mighty Ducks
The films that is, not the actually hockey team. D2 is actually my favourite film.
I was OBSESSED with The Mighty Ducks when I was younger. In 1995 I spent £50 on a Mighty Ducks shirt from Foot Locker. It was all my Christmas money and a pretty big deal at the time. Even now, 20 years later I balk at spending £50 on one item of clothing. I also pretended to sprain my wrist to be like Adam Banks. I made my mum give me a support bandage to wear!! I don’t know why I love it so much, even to this day, whenever I’m feeling rubbish, it cheers me up. Maybe it’s the underdog spirit of it all.

N – Nights Out
There’s nothing better than a night out with the girls. From the pre-drinking and getting ready together, deciding what to wear to the taxi home with a generous portion of McDonalds/chips and cheese, I just love it all. However, the hangover the next day, I don’t love that so much.

O - Oxygen
I'd die without it. Literally. O was a hard one!!

P – Photography
I love taking pictures. In 2011 I took one picture everyday for a whole year and also did a beginners DLSR course. I constantly have to delete pictures from my phone as it gets full up. Its so nice in this day to be able to document our lives and look back on different memories. I'm looking forward to investing in some more equipment and am currently looking into doing some more courses.

Q – Quiz Machines in Pubs
I like to think I'm a bit of a pro at the quiz machines in pubs, or any quiz in general for that matter. I think I like just proving how knowledgeable I am.... or not as is usually the case.

R – Red Lipstick
You just feel that little bit sassier with a slick of red lipstick don't you?! I don't think red lips will ever go out of style.

S – Streatham
Streatham is my little corner of London. I've lived here for three years now and I love it. Granted, it's a little rough around the edges but that's part of the charm. There's some great restaurant, my favourite is Mangetsu for the amazing all you can eat sushi, really reasonable rent prices, a range of transport links and plenty of green space with Tooting and Streatham Common. I only wish I could afford to buy here.

T – Trashy TV
We currently have series linked Made in Chelsea, Celebrity Big Brother, X-Factor, Ex On the Beach and Hollyoaks. I’m also eagerly anticipating the returns of Geordie Shore and I’m A Celebrity…… I think you get the gist. There’s nothing better than coming home from a long day at work and putting your comfies on for a night full of trashy television. When your brains already full and you’ve had the commute home from hell, it really is the one. It’s even better if there’s some equally bad food to munch on through whilst watching.

U – university Of Hull
Monday at Waterfront, Tuesday at Pozition, Wednesday AU night at Asylum, Thursday at Welly, Friday at Piper, Saturday at Asylum…… Chip Spice, The Lawns, Gardner’s Beer Garden, 6th Floor of the library and walking round until a computer became spare, 505050 and 353535, 99p Snakey-B and little pools of purple vomit on a Thursday morning, hot dogs from Res/Sanctuary, Planet Coffee…… It all feels like a lifetime ago now (almost ten years since I left) but it was the most fun four years of which I don’t regret a second. Coming away with people that I’m still friends with and was a bridesmaid for is testament to that.

V – Videos of Marcie
Whenever I feel upset I'll watch videos of the cutest person in the world, little Marcie Moo. As I don't get to see her as often as I would like to, I love these little clips of her world and watching her grow up and change. Never fails to put a smile back on my face.

W – Wine
I think it's pretty obvious why this makes me happy. A nice cold, crisp Sauvignon Blanc or Prosecco please.

X – eXercise
I 'm cheating a bit with this one really. Exercise begins with E but it's hard to find words beginning with X that aren't Xylophone or X-Ray. I have a love hate relationship with exercise, but you can't deny that feeling after a good work out, when you're red faced, sweaty and lungs hurt, you just feel good, like you can do anything. Must be all those endorphins flying around.

Y – Yorkshire
Despite living in London for seven years, I'm a proud Yorkshire(wo)man! I could wax lyrical all day, from Yorkshire puddings to the fact that Yorkshire would've finished 12th in the 2012 Olympics if it were an independent country, but I don't need to. Yorkshire's amazing. End of.

Z – Zzzzzz
Who doesn't love sleep? The best is when you can just doze... lazy days napping in front of the TV or reading a book. Bliss.

London - A Love/Hate Relationship

I moved to London on Saturday 02nd August 2008, just over seven years ago. In those seven years there have been several ups and downs. The first six months to a year were not the best. I think I had very unrealistic ideas as to what living in London would be like. I was expecting Sex and the City mixed with Love Actually and a splash of Bridget Jones. The reality was a very low paid job and an ex-council flat in Vauxhall which didn’t have a living room and I couldn’t cook/eat beef. Needless to say I served my six month minimum tenancy and swiftly moved on. The job however, I stayed in for just under six years and climbed my way up.

I got involved and in no particular order, made new friends, partied a lot, missed the last train home and paid extortionate taxi fares, fell asleep on the night bus, said yes to things that were out of my comfort zone, moved to an area and a new flat-share that was out of my comfort zone, dated, had one-night stands, joined and quit the gym, got a new job, did a photography course, got mugged, had a mouse run across my bedroom floor at 3am, had the experience of living through the 2012 Olympics……. A complete list of highs and lows. I wouldn’t change one minute of it. But now, now I’m feeling the seven year itch.

I’m tired. Tired of the commute where I play human style Jenga contorting my body to fit between someone’s crotch and armpit on the rush hour Northern Line. Tired of dating idiots who don’t want anything serious because they know that they can click and find someone new in an instant. Tired of having the same conversations about people paying bills on time and the latest landlord drama. Tired of the ever rising cost of living and knowing I’ll never be able to afford a house here. Tired of partying and losing days to hangovers that aren’t worth it. I miss my family and friends back home.

But if not London, where? Despite the tiredness, I cannot imagine living anywhere else. I love Yorkshire and it’s nice to escape there every now and again. There are some beautiful towns and landscapes, the accent is the best in country and it’s undoubtedly cheaper but I know I’d miss the fast paced city life.

The things I hate about London are the things I would miss. The public transport – it’s easy to use, navigate and you can be across the city in no-time. No need to rely on designated drivers or buses that are once an hour. I should stop going out as much but I love the buzz of trying the latest restaurant or the ability to go to a gig on a school night. Dating is hard, but there’s more men around 30 who are still eligible and without baggage. Plus, when you go on a date, you don’t have the added factor of him having slept with one of your friends (despite what happens on Made in Chelsea). Cost of living is high but there’s also the added point of having more employment opportunities here at the same time. Plus, you have the Eurostar and four/five airports nearby making Europe and the rest of the world accessible. You can be whoever you want to be without everyone knowing all the embarrassing things you did at primary school or mistakes you made as a teenager. It’s a catch 22 situation.

Whilst I’m not planning on moving anywhere imminently, it is on my mind for the so called five year plan. Me and London, we’re going through a rough patch. A little bit of consideration and taking time to enjoy the things that made us fall in love may help or we may break-up for good. Only time will tell.

Social Media Envy

I love taking pictures and documenting both the little and big things that make up my day. Instagram is definitely my go to app whenever I pick up my phone. I love both sharing of things that happen in my life and then validation of a few likes. I love having a nosy at other peoples days. I like knowing what they’ve had for lunch or snapshots of a city break. Maybe that’s somewhere to put onto my ever growing wish list of places to eat/travel to.

However, it’s hard not to feel jealous sometimes and wonder why everyone else seems to have the OMG MOST AMAZEBALLS life whilst you’re sat at home alone on a Saturday night eating your way through a box of Miniature Heroes that you can't quite save for Christmas and watching X Factor - the perfect relationship, the designer steals, the hot body, the great social life, fantastic holidays……. It’s all there making us feel like our own achievements aren’t up to scratch.
BUT…. At the same time, we’re all guilty of it, myself included.

This weekend I posted a couple of selfies of me and the girls before a night out… flattering filter and duck-face –CHECK! It wasn’t enough that I felt like I looked nice enough to just step out of the door and own my look. I needed to get validation from other people pressing like. Why is that? What a waste of energy really.

Then there’s the picture of us all sat in the bar, complete with flattering angles/filters galore. Look at me! I do have friends, they’re also really hot, I’m having an amazing time!! I don’t apologise for these kind of pics though, it’s the same friends that make me LOL with the whats-app group convos the next day and keep me sane when the hangover blues are in force and I’m throwing up for the millionth time. Ewwwwww….. Plus, it’s nice to look back in a few more years when it comes up on Timehop and you’re like “WTF was that outfit!”

What I’m really trying to get it, is that it’s easy to form an opinion of how someone’s life is through a few small snapshots. What doesn’t get uploaded to Instagram is the really telling stuff. The throwing up until 1pm the next day, the crying at Hollyoaks (yes, I still watch it), the checking your online banking through your fingers because of those extra round(s) of Jaegerbombs, the nerves, trepidation and awkwardness of psyching yourself up get back out there and start going on Tinder dates again.

So next time you have a little bit of FOMO or social media envy, remember it's not real. It's a snap shot of the good times. Everyone has their issues and their down days. As I say, it's what people don't choose to post thats the most telling.

Breaking Up and Turning 30

It’s a pretty heavy subject to start my first blog post with but I was in the mood for a bit of a rant but also a little bit of a reflection.

In one month and one day, I will turn 30. When people asked me earlier in the year how I felt about turning 30, I was fine. Even a little bit smug. I was seeing someone, it was going really well. I thought it could have really gone somewhere, but unfortunately circumstances changed and things ended rather abruptly albeit pretty amicably.

Since that moment which was about a month ago now, I’ve begun to dread my birthday. The plan is to go to Manchester and celebrate in style with some of my best girls. This bit I can’t wait for - the outfit planning, the boozy train ride there, the inappropriate jokes, the piss-taking, the drunken dancing, even maybe a little bit of flirting, the debrief over some breakfast the next day. However, I’m not looking forward to my actual day, Sunday the 27th. I will be hung-over, craving all of the carbs and feeling those hangover blues in tenfold.

There are two reasons why I’m dreading it so much. The first being that I was supposed to spend this day with the aforementioned guy. This was my ideal kind of birthday, a night out with the girls, followed by a duvet day/hangover with junk food, some trashy TV and being looked after by a lovely man. Instead, I’ll be crying into my Domino’s meal deal at some X Factor contestant whose vocal talent is negligible but they have a great sob story. They just get to me every time.

The second reason is that I thought by this age I would have achieved more. I live in a house-share, my last relationship that lasted longer than six months was eight years ago, I can’t drive, haven’t ever travelled out of Europe and let’s not even mention my finances. I thought at 30, I would have it more together. I thought I’d be driving, own a house, be married, have a nice nest egg of savings and at least one child. That would probably all have been achievable if I hadn’t panicked after university and run away to London a.k.a. most expensive place to live in the world ever. But had I stayed at home in Yorkshire, I would have been bored. I’d be turning 30 wondering why I hadn’t achieved more in other ways. We always think that the grass is so much greener on the other side of the fence don’t we?

So, it’s time to focus on the things I have achieved and want to achieve rather than what society tells me I should. I have a degree, I’ve lived successfully in two other European countries, I might not have been out of Europe, but the fact I can afford a few smaller trips a year puts me in a fortunate position. I live in city that plenty of people even dream of just visiting, I have a stable job that affords a decent work/life balance, a good working environment and travel opportunities, and I am surrounded by great friends and family.

And as for those things I haven’t achieved…..

1. Kids – I was sat next to a couple around my age on the tube last week. Their baby had just had a poop explosion. It was smelly, on the mother’s hands and all over her lovely, white summer dress. All I could think was “So, glad I don’t have to deal with that.” I’m just not in any way shape or form to have children yet. I enjoy being selfish with my time and money too much for the time being. And if the time comes in ten years and it still hasn’t happened and the time has passed, will it be the worst thing in the world? Maybe or maybe not. It will just depend what else has happened in those ten years.

2. My Own Home – A 2 bedroom flat in Streatham is around half a million pounds. Seriously. If you choose to live in a city with eye-watering property prices, you have to sacrifice some things. I have a roof over my head with nice people in a nice area. I am grateful. I just wish there was more control for tenants in this country. Another rant for another day though. Also, when you buy a house, you don’t own it. The mortgage provider does. And if we suffer another financial crisis, how safe are any of us?

3. Relationships – Although, I don’t quite feel ready to put myself back out there to the Tinder masses just yet, I will at some point. I just need to remember, dick pictures and 1am drunken booty calls are not worthy of my time. Whilst not every date is not an interview for marriage potential, I do want to meet someone who is one my wavelength and gets my weirdness. I deserve more than being a stop-gap for someone who just wants to use me for a night.

As for learning to drive and improving my financial situation, these are ongoing battles and I will get there. I now have a small amount of savings and my credit card is decreasing – just don’t mention that bottle of wine I put on it last weekend. I also spent time searching and comparing driving instructors in South West London last week ready for when I’m back from my holidays in October.

Until I do get there though, I hope the journey is as fun as it has been up until now.