Morning Thoughts

Alarm goes off at 06:50. I inwardly groan. Two thoughts are buzzing round my head - “How it can be morning already, I feel like I only slept for 20 minutes.” And “how much longer can I stay in bed before I REALLY have to get up?” Snooze pressed for twenty more minutes. I don’t know why I’m trying to delay the inevitable.

I drag my arse out of bed and into the cold bathroom. Can I get away without washing my hair? I’ll wear trousers today. Can’t even think about attempting to shave my legs. Ah least it’ll be tights season again soon. Ahhhhhh this shower is so nice and warm and friendly. I don’t want to get out. I might sit down and let it just wash over me. I don’t though – that kind of comforting shower hug is reserved only for the severest of hangovers. Right, time to get out. Shit, there’s water everywhere. Splash Bandicoot strikes again. The world is just so against me. Ah but fluffy dressing gown, can I stay in this forever?

TV on – GMTV, Daybreak, Good Morning Britain – what’s it even called these days? Why is Kate Garraway so cheery in morning? Laura, please give me some good news about the weather. Raining again. Shit. Never mind, only 18 days until I’m on holiday again. Today is definitely a glasses day. I don’t think I can focus on putting my contact lenses in the right eyes this morning. What’s the minimum amount of make-up I can put on without people asking me if I’m feeling ill? How is it 07:41 already? I best dry my hair….. not enough time… up in a messy bun it goes, complete with baby fringe sticking up making me look cray-cray. Better hairspray that down.

Time to get dressed, no time to let the deodorant dry under my pits so I end up with stains all down my dark jumper. No time to change, I’ll just have to ride with it. Shoes on, jacket on. Phone – check, keys – check, oyster card – check, purse –check, lunch box – check. Still bet I’ve left something behind.

Mad dash to the bus stop. Oh great, two buses arriving at once of which I manage to miss both. Oh great, the next one is in seven minutes. I’ll be late for work. No time to get breakfast. I’m sure there’s a mouldy banana at the bottom of my bag. Start walking to the station or sit and wait? I compromise and walk to the next bus stop along. I manage to squeeze myself on and arrive at the station and jump onto the northern line straight away. Ah…. And relax. Well, as much as is physically possible when you’re jammed into someone’s armpit.

Wait, why is every other female in this carriage looking at lot more polished than me? Right, that’s it. Tomorrow is a new me. I’m definitely going to wake up earlier and do my hair and make-up properly. I’ll plan my outfit tonight and make sure everything matches and doesn’t have tooth paste and/or deodorant on it. I’ll be a polished city worker rather than a scruff ball who looks like they’re on the way home from a mad all-nighter. I CAN DO IT.

Oh, fuck it. Who am I kidding? I’m just not a morning person. If you need me, I’ll be pressing snooze continuously.